In the closet, so to say.

I have always wondered why we, as humans or rather Americans, use closets. The word closet itself baffles my mind. There are wardrobe closets and free standing closets. A pantry signifies a closet, where a water closet refers to a toilet? There is even a closet sold at Ikea that has a mirror and cabinets with a built in nightstand (I really want one of these). The purpose of a closet is to "store" all your closet needs such as toys (which is my problem hands down), shoes, clothes, blankets, personal belongings, filing cabinets, a noose, and anything else you want to throw in there with endless possibilities.
I recently watched an info-mercial about one of those closet space saver bags where you put all your clothes into a bag with hangers, and then suck all the air out with a vacuum. 'Saves space and time.' The only space that needs saved is the old republic from the Empire. Besides sounding a little futuristic and dangerous, I absolutely want one. I have piles and piles of clothes in my closet that need a good home inside a bag, where I can suck all the life and energy out of them, only to open the bag a few days later when I need that long sleeved plaid shirt because the weather in Chicago is wackier than Bobo the clown. I never thought a vacuum can be used to suck the air out of something, it makes me want to write about a bad super villain who uses the power of his $500 Dyson vacuum to suck the air out of someones lungs. A horrible way to die if you ask me. I am not sure if that is even plausible, but it would make for a great story or headline, "Man dies after sucking a vacuum." I won't even point out the irony.

"You've got a couple skeletons in the closet," or a "Closet Homosexual." Phrases meant to refer to a 'secret' you are keeping, somewhere in your closet. Maybe the closet of your mind or conscious. I keep clothes in my closet, I don't want to think about what someone else might be storing in there. This past summer when I went apartment hunting in Chicago, I came across a couple places our apartment lady was showing to us. Every time we would walk into a room with a closet, and she would immediately say, "This makes for great closet space." Great closet space, huh? What about the bedroom where I currently reside that has no closet. What would that space be considered in the corner where the closet should be? Open space, perhaps? I keep my dresser there, so dresser space it is. I also keep clothes inside my dresser, not secrets. Do you have to keep secrets in your closet? I am thinking about buying a Skeleton that you would use in anatomy lab or have in your medical office. Besides the fact of wanting to to own one, I would store him in my closet where I store other random objects and my secrets, That way if the subject should ever arise, I can always say, "Sure, I've got a few skeletons in my closet."